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| On this, the day of lovers... I once again pose that question. I have recently gone through a two year relationship where I thought I have found the "love" of my life. And now, I am worse for having endured it. Before I fell head over heels into this relationship, I questioned the concept of love. I tried to deconstruct this social construct. Is there really such a thing as love? Or is it just something that we believe in because it helps us sleep better at night? To believe that there is someone out there that you are fated/destined to meet is a warm blanket to wrap yourself in. To think that you will eventually grow old and gray with someone next to you is a comfortable idea for you to nestle yourself in. To think that there is a perfect match to take you away from this life of solitude is a sedative for those lonely sleepless nights. It's all well and good that there are comforting thoughts and warm ideas that we can seek shelter in while living in this harsh reality. But one does not live in ideas or in fantasy. The reality is that love is just an idea that is impossible to define or describe. To achieve something or to obtain something or to find something, one must have an idea of what that something is. It's like asking for directions from ten different people and receiving ten different answers as to how to reach your destination. How are you suppose to find what you're looking for if you don't know what it is? I am no longer young, nor am I old. But through these years on this Earth, I have heard many a description as to what love is.
Some will tell you that love means you enjoy the other person's company. But one can enjoy the company of friends without falling in love with every one of them. Some will tell you that you know you're in love because time flies by way too fast. Time flies when you're having fun and it stops to a crawl when you're suffering. Just because you're having fun with someone does not mean you're always going to have fun with them. Life is full of trials and tribulations, eventually the fun will stop and hurdles must be overcome. That's when some stray... they think that something has changed in the relationship and they seek to return to the fun. In reality, nothing has changed in the relationship, it's situations that dictate fate. Some will tell you that love is this warm feeling that you get when you stare into your mate's eye and know that they're the one. The funny thing about that is.. not everyone marries the first person they're in love with. So how many times do you get that warm feeling and know that the person standing before you is the one? Some will tell you that love is the feeling that you can't live without the other person. Well, that's just some co-dependency issue that needs to be resolved by therapy. Or else end up like some emo teenagers who commit suicide after knowing each other for a week(i.e. Romeo and Juliet). Some will tell you that you know you're in love because you can't stop thinking about the other person. Well, if that is the case then stalkers shouldn't be labeled stalkers, they should be labeled "lovers". Some will tell you that love is caring about the other person. You can care about someone and not be in love. Some will tell you that love is lust. On some level, this is the truth. Love is a justification for lust. When you boil it down to the bare essence, it's all about sex. As good as the emotional high we get from being in love, it can not beat the physical euphoria we experience as we coil together writhing in a sweaty rhythmic dance. But sex can exist without love. Some will tell you that love is the spark you get when you get when you kiss or touch. Just because I get shocked by touching a metallic door knob, it doesn't mean I love the door knob. Sparks fade as time wears on. Sooner or later, complaints of the lack of spark will come. Some will tell you that love is feeling like your body is light as a feather and it's as if you're on cloud nine. That may be true at first.. you feel like your relationship is out of this world and you never want to come back. But as with all things.. the novelty wears out and you'll wonder if this is it for the rest of your life. Some will tell you that love is feeling like your heart is beating so fast that it is almost going to jump out of your throat and explode. My heart beats as fast as a humming bird when chased by a vicious dog, but it does not mean that I am in love with the mutt. As for me... I learned that if you love someone... you cry for them. You cry when they are in pain. You cry when they hurt you. You cry when you know that despite your best efforts, there is nothing you can do to maintain your relationship. You cry when you know that it is over. You know that a big part of you have died and nothing can be the same again. The more you love someone, the harder you should cry. The copious amount of tears I have shed can fill the proverbial river... After all this, I still do not know what love truly is. It's no better than navigating in the dark. Just a lonely heart calling out for another in the darkness that is life.
I have seen a good amount of romance movies during my relationship. It seems like the most popular ones are those that involve a love triangle. It is my impression from speaking to many a lady friends that "the Notebook" and "Titanic" are some of the best love stories. But if you do not get caught up in the movie and just take a cursory look you'll see that on the surface they are really just stories about love triangles. One minute she loves some guy and then the next minute she loves the protagonist. But doesn't anyone feel bad for the guy that was spurned? In the movies they were portrayed as villains, but in reality aren't they the victims of a fickle heart? She loves you one minute then loves another the very next minute. It is ludicrous this thing called love. It is almost as if all the world is a masquerade ball and everyone in it is constantly switching partners. Your strong feelings for the one you love can either last or it can be a fart in the wind... only to linger slightly until you find your next partner.
I don't believe in this thing call love any more. I can't subscribe to something so fickle... something so vague... something so nebulous... something so amorphous.
To the rest of you... happy corporate holiday. :) | | |
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Sometimes I think this is what my cat is thinking... I've suffered numerous amount of scratches and bites all over my body. She sometimes hide behind a chair, and as I'm walking by, she would run real fast towards me and attack my leg at full speed with claws fully extended. Sometimes I would try to hold her up... but she jumps on my shoulder and slide down my back with her claws out to slow her down. Unfortunately, my back is what her claws are digging into. I have a lot of scratches on my back... one from my neck to my lower back... And let me tell ya, next day at the gym... sweat + open cuts = reliving the pain... And every freaking time I open a can of tuna, she would come out of nowhere like a ninja and try to take my food. Yesterday, I was eating a steak and some tuna... sitting on the sofa. And out of nowhere I hear something small running towards me at full speed... She jumps and falls short of getting to the top of my lap... So she decided to climb up... unfortunately, she was extremely close to my crotch and that hurt like a motherf@$%^*. This morning at 5 am... She wanted to get to the window, so she used my face as a platform to get there. She stepped on my cheek and jumped to the window sill.
I'm not sure who the owner is... because I'm being owned by this 1 yr old psychotic cat! Well, I'm just glad I'm not the dog. Cuz he's her bitch... She would chase him out of a room. And she would bite him on the ass while he's sleeping. He's got at least 30lbs on her and he's running away... Oy vey.
Check out this rap video about hanging with Bob Saget (he's the dirtiest man in show business... by dirty I mean raunchy). http://www.break.com/index/rollinwsaget.html
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| Altruism - Unselfish concern for the welfare of others; selflessness.
It's a pretty broad definition isn't it? Everybody likes to think of themselves selfless... But let me clear up what it means to be altruistic. Some use this example: "a father pushes his son out of the way of a car and gets killed in the process". Some would say that's altruistic, but it's not. There's something to gain in this act, he helps to insure his genes survive down the generations. If he lost his life for someone he did not know, then that's altruism in it's purest form. Some people think that giving to charity or homeless people is altruism. But that's not quite altruistic either. It helps to alleviate that feeling of guilt of having when others have not. Although it's pretty close to true altruism.
I think altruism does not and should not exist. It is a sign of weakness. Man is genetically selfish. That is how we survive. To help others is to increase competition. Competition for resource, competition for space, and competition for mates. People who go out of their way to help others are taken advantage of. They will not move far in this world. Don't think of my thoughts as something a deranged person would say. Think of it like this. A forest has many trees. The tallest trees gets the most sunlight. By branching out and covering the sky do they accomplish this. And in doing so they take out the light for the others . Those that do not fight for survival selfishly will be stunted in growth. It's a sad thing, this idea of altruism. We, humans instill in our next generation the morals and ideology of altruism, justice, and honor that we so cherish. Hoping they can further our culture and enlighten us to new heights. Yet, they can never be achieved because of our needs for survival... They can only be considered a myth like Shangri-la or a concept like "utopia". In the end, only greed advances society.
The kind ones are stepped on... Like protruding stones in a babbling brook, they help others cross, but will forever be cemented in place. Why do girls like bad boys? That's easy, only the strong survive. And you don't become strong by being a nice guy. People who are selfish and greedy advance far in society. They are enamored by the masses for soaring so high. For when you reach the pinnacle of society, you can manipulate the views of those who are beneath you. For the "Just World" view prevails for many of us... Fortune is visited upon those who are just, and misfortune curse those who are vile. Is Bill Gates a good guy because he donates millions to charity yearly? Or is he evil because he stabbed Steve Jobs, his friend and mentor, in the back by stealing concepts from Apple and creating Microsoft? Fortunate is he who is without compassion and sympathy.
Fortunate, fortunate, fortunate...?
I desperately want someone to argue this post. For if I'm right, my view of society will become lower than it already is... | | |
| My right shoulder is tore up. Scratches all over. It stings when I'm in the shower and it itches when I'm not. Stupid cat... I tried to train her to perch on my shoulder like a majestic eagle. But I guess she's afraid of heights like I am. So she tried to climb down. But as she is doing so, she dug her nails in my shoulder like it was a scratching post. Oh well, I guess it's not natural for a cat to be sitting on someone's shoulder eh?
 update: Boy, talk about a lesson learned... Everybody knows that water and oil don't mix. Apparently not me. I got home and ate a can of tuna (because I wanted kreatine to volumize my muscles). But that tuna is not the ones that sits in water, it was soaked in oil. So after my oily snack, I took a big bottle of water and hit the gym. Everything was great until I started to drink a lot of water. Oh man, talk about agony. I was on the verge of throwing up. I kept berping... And it tasted/smelled like tuna. It's like I had to fight my way out of a warf by biting everything in sight. Ugh... I'm home now and a bit rested... But still feel bad. No more tuna that's soaking in oil. Or at least I can't eat it before going to the gym. On the plus side, I had more energy and my muscles are tight and hurts. Mmmm... pain.
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| Saturday morn... I was mired in deep slumber. Dreaming of hand fed grapes by scantily clad maidens. When suddenly, the fair maidens in my dream roars and turns into horrid beasts. My good dream was split asunder and I awoke to find the noise still lingering and a strange odor in the air. I peered through my window to search for the origin of this disturbance. I spied three children playing with a broken lawn mower. The mower kept stalling out and spewing out this thick cloud of toxic fumes. The three children would jump into this cloud and take deep breaths as if their lives depended on it. They looked like hippies dancing in a cloud of haze. This went on for a good hour. Their antics made the children of yore, who feasted on paint chip, look smart. Oh, stupid children without adult supervision... how I pity thou. For when thou grow up, tis going to be a far more difficult task to keep thy drool in thy mouth. Well, I guess that's natural selection at work. Fair thee well little ones... for your parents obviously does not care. They can always make more...
I write like this cuz I watched all 3 episodes of Lord of the Rings over the weekend. And olde english is stuck in my head. Lodged betwix my frontal lobes.
P.S. I find these girls to be extremely attractive. Natural beauties... so hot...
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