| | On this, the day of lovers... I once again pose that question. I have recently gone through a two year relationship where I thought I have found the "love" of my life. And now, I am worse for having endured it. Before I fell head over heels into this relationship, I questioned the concept of love. I tried to deconstruct this social construct. Is there really such a thing as love? Or is it just something that we believe in because it helps us sleep better at night? To believe that there is someone out there that you are fated/destined to meet is a warm blanket to wrap yourself in. To think that you will eventually grow old and gray with someone next to you is a comfortable idea for you to nestle yourself in. To think that there is a perfect match to take you away from this life of solitude is a sedative for those lonely sleepless nights. It's all well and good that there are comforting thoughts and warm ideas that we can seek shelter in while living in this harsh reality. But one does not live in ideas or in fantasy. The reality is that love is just an idea that is impossible to define or describe. To achieve something or to obtain something or to find something, one must have an idea of what that something is. It's like asking for directions from ten different people and receiving ten different answers as to how to reach your destination. How are you suppose to find what you're looking for if you don't know what it is? I am no longer young, nor am I old. But through these years on this Earth, I have heard many a description as to what love is.
Some will tell you that love means you enjoy the other person's company. But one can enjoy the company of friends without falling in love with every one of them. Some will tell you that you know you're in love because time flies by way too fast. Time flies when you're having fun and it stops to a crawl when you're suffering. Just because you're having fun with someone does not mean you're always going to have fun with them. Life is full of trials and tribulations, eventually the fun will stop and hurdles must be overcome. That's when some stray... they think that something has changed in the relationship and they seek to return to the fun. In reality, nothing has changed in the relationship, it's situations that dictate fate. Some will tell you that love is this warm feeling that you get when you stare into your mate's eye and know that they're the one. The funny thing about that is.. not everyone marries the first person they're in love with. So how many times do you get that warm feeling and know that the person standing before you is the one? Some will tell you that love is the feeling that you can't live without the other person. Well, that's just some co-dependency issue that needs to be resolved by therapy. Or else end up like some emo teenagers who commit suicide after knowing each other for a week(i.e. Romeo and Juliet). Some will tell you that you know you're in love because you can't stop thinking about the other person. Well, if that is the case then stalkers shouldn't be labeled stalkers, they should be labeled "lovers". Some will tell you that love is caring about the other person. You can care about someone and not be in love. Some will tell you that love is lust. On some level, this is the truth. Love is a justification for lust. When you boil it down to the bare essence, it's all about sex. As good as the emotional high we get from being in love, it can not beat the physical euphoria we experience as we coil together writhing in a sweaty rhythmic dance. But sex can exist without love. Some will tell you that love is the spark you get when you get when you kiss or touch. Just because I get shocked by touching a metallic door knob, it doesn't mean I love the door knob. Sparks fade as time wears on. Sooner or later, complaints of the lack of spark will come. Some will tell you that love is feeling like your body is light as a feather and it's as if you're on cloud nine. That may be true at first.. you feel like your relationship is out of this world and you never want to come back. But as with all things.. the novelty wears out and you'll wonder if this is it for the rest of your life. Some will tell you that love is feeling like your heart is beating so fast that it is almost going to jump out of your throat and explode. My heart beats as fast as a humming bird when chased by a vicious dog, but it does not mean that I am in love with the mutt. As for me... I learned that if you love someone... you cry for them. You cry when they are in pain. You cry when they hurt you. You cry when you know that despite your best efforts, there is nothing you can do to maintain your relationship. You cry when you know that it is over. You know that a big part of you have died and nothing can be the same again. The more you love someone, the harder you should cry. The copious amount of tears I have shed can fill the proverbial river... After all this, I still do not know what love truly is. It's no better than navigating in the dark. Just a lonely heart calling out for another in the darkness that is life.
I have seen a good amount of romance movies during my relationship. It seems like the most popular ones are those that involve a love triangle. It is my impression from speaking to many a lady friends that "the Notebook" and "Titanic" are some of the best love stories. But if you do not get caught up in the movie and just take a cursory look you'll see that on the surface they are really just stories about love triangles. One minute she loves some guy and then the next minute she loves the protagonist. But doesn't anyone feel bad for the guy that was spurned? In the movies they were portrayed as villains, but in reality aren't they the victims of a fickle heart? She loves you one minute then loves another the very next minute. It is ludicrous this thing called love. It is almost as if all the world is a masquerade ball and everyone in it is constantly switching partners. Your strong feelings for the one you love can either last or it can be a fart in the wind... only to linger slightly until you find your next partner.
I don't believe in this thing call love any more. I can't subscribe to something so fickle... something so vague... something so nebulous... something so amorphous.
To the rest of you... happy corporate holiday. :) |
| | Posted 2/14/2009 5:52 PM - 5 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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